Fighting to keep a marriage thriving is not for the faint at heart.

It seems easier to bury oneself in other things rather than to face the music at home. An important ability I had to develop was communication skills.

Each personality is unique and therefore the solution for healthy communication depends on the mix of the couple.

When Bob and I received marriage counselling 11 years ago, the counsellor gave us homework to improve our level of communication.

We were to sit down and talk. The rule was: whoever starts must not be interrupted.

He/she can talk as long as they want until the other one understands what is being said. When he/she is finished, the other one must repeat back to them what has been said.

This may sound easy to do, but it would take me four or five times repeating back to my husband what he said, before I said it to his satisfaction.

The gift of listening is reassuring, and feeling heard and understood is exhilarating.

The words we speak to our spouse have a profound impact.

Proverbs 16:24 tells us, "Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones."

Encouraging the good things you see, and appreciating his/her efforts can go a long way.

Proverbs 18:21 says, "Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat the fruit thereof." Speak words of life and be their best cheerleader. Something else I have learned is to enjoy each other. Plan regular date nights. Spend time doing fun things together.

Have common interests or hobbies that you both enjoy. In conclusion, remember not to promise what you cannot deliver.

Your actions speak louder than your words.

- Alice Maryniuk is author of Thinking for a Change. - How to transform your life by transforming your thoughts.